Self-awareness is a buzzword I have come across regularly over the past months.

According to the HBR article “What Self-Awareness Really Is (and How to Cultivate It)”, research suggests that self-aware individuals are more likely to:

• Be more confident,

• Be more creative,

• Make sounder decisions,

• Build stronger relationship,

• Communicate more effectively,

• ·Lie, cheat, and steal less,

• Get more promotions,

• Be a more effective leader with more satisfied employees and more profitable companies.

Waow! Amazing! It seems like self-awareness is THE corporate grail! Where can I get some?

Hold on!

According to the same paper, only 10% to 15% of the people that were subject to the research fit the criteria of “true” self-awareness.

Too bad… With my luck, I am probably on the wrong side. Let’s not give up quite yet.

The author, Tasha Eurich PhD, makes the distinction between two categories of self-awareness, internal and external.

She defines the internal self-awareness as how clearly we see our own values, passions, and aspirations, fit with our environment, reactions (including thoughts, feelings, behaviours, strengths, and weaknesses), and impacts on others.

The external self-awareness is about understanding how other people view us with regards to the same internal self-awareness characteristics.

A leader from the middle will look for the most alignment possible between how they view themselves and how they their team members view them. We will dig into that idea a little later.

When charting the internal and external self-awarenesses, Tasha Eurich PhD coins four self-awareness archetypes:

• Seekers: The seekers have a limited self-awareness and a limited understanding of how their team view them. They may feel stuck, suffer from poor performance and poor relationships.

• Introspectors: The intropsectors have a fair level of self-awareness but they are not exposing themselves to how their team view them. In that case too, this can harm their ability to build strong work relationship and limit their performance.

• Pleasers: The pleasers have limited self-awareness or focus on mirroring external behaviours and expectations, forgetting who they are and what they stand for. Eventually, by only focusing on others, pleasers can corner themselves in positions that do not align with their values or ambitions.

• Aware: Those who are aware are both self-driven and able take on others’ perspectives, taking the best of both to serve their purpose.

I really like this model.

But I believe there is a limitation. I suspect we are not bound to one archetype for life.

Which archetype do you think you are?

I know I have been a pleaser for very long periods of my life. This has caused me to find myself in situations where I was deeply unhappy. Once the pressure was too high, the only solution was to make radical life-changing moves, just like an emergency relief valve.

Those radical life-changing moves were not all negative, far from that. But it takes energy and bandwidth to sustain lengthy periods of unhappiness, whether at work or in the private life.

As I eluded on in my article on aggressiveness, I have developed an acute need to instill harmony around me. As a kid, I was in a constant state of alertness as I feared that harmony would be disrupted. A patriarchal education model, power distance and a profound respect for hierarchy have been deeply engrained in me for most of my career. I can still experience those mechanisms to this day.

At the workplace, this translated by always diligently accepting whatever I was asked to do, even though I did not like it, or I did not agree with it.

Depending on the context and the workplace culture, being a pleaser is not necessarily a terrible thing.

Which boss would complain about a diligent employee?

But pleasing others also means that I must dim myself down. Frustration grows as it becomes increasingly difficult to reconcile my aspirations and the reality I created. Purpose becomes blurry and motivation goes down. The reason I was successful in the first place – being a pleaser, is now hindering my performance. I became less assertive, less articulate – I do not believe in myself anymore.

Pushed even further, I start to overinterpret the cues I am getting from my team members and stakeholders. And given my mindset in those situations, it just further reinforces the downward spiral of toxic thoughts.

Eventually, I cannot cope anymore with the pressure I have let build up. This is when the radical – and sometimes life-changing – moves occur.

The difference between now and earlier in my career, is that I no longer wait for the point of no return to act. I have now enough experience – and perhaps self-awareness – to identify patterns on time.

Reaction is good. Prevention is better.

How should one develop their self-awareness before it is too late? And how leaders from the middle can use self-awareness to strengthen their team performance?

Joseph Luft and Harry Ingham developed the JOHARI window in 1955. Among all the tools, ideas, and concepts I came across during my career, this one stuck with me. In fact, I remember it clearly because it gave me a good explanation as why authenticity and transparency at the workplace is key to foster high performing team.

The JOHARI window consists of four quadrants.

• Quadrant 1 – Open area. This quadrant corresponds to what a person knows about themselves, which is also known by others. This is where “good” communication and cooperation occur, free from confusion, conflict, and misunderstanding. As the team members tend to reciprocate, the trust will build between them. This is an effectiveness and productivity enabler. Self-awareness contributes to extend this area.

• Quadrant 2 – Blind area. This quadrant corresponds to our blind spots. This is what is hidden to self but known by others. This can be a talent or a skill, unknown to self, but that our colleagues have noticed – storytelling, computer literacy… It can also be something much deeper. Passive-aggressive persons are often oblivious to their behaviours despite the strong effect they have on their colleagues.

• Quadrant 3 – Hidden area. This quadrant corresponds to what is hidden to others. Retaining work related information to others may hinder trust in the group.

• Quadrant 4 – Unknown area. This quadrant corresponds to what is hidden to yourself and to others.

Even one could argue that it is simplistic, I took it as a confirmation that openness – which is an attribute I value – is beneficial for teams and organizations.

Self-awareness is not only valuable for a middle manager, but it can be a catalyst for the effectiveness and the productivity of their team.

How can a leader from the middle develop their self-awareness, and by ripple effect, develop their team and organization?

The open area can grow by “asking” and by “telling”.

Asking will extend the open area horizontally. Leaders from the middle are responsible to nurture an uncompromisable feedback culture. They ask for feedback to their team members, but also to other stakeholders (peers, line managers…). They role model delivering and receiving feedback.

Tasha Eurich PhD suggests that introspection can also help at becoming more self-aware. However, she stresses that introspection shall be done effectively, not by asking “why” but by asking “what”.

Asking “why” might help to understand a situation or an experience: Why did I do X? Why did they say Y? But asking “why” will also trigger our negativity cognitive bias, casting a shadow over our effort to reflect on our behaviours.

Instead, asking “what” will help setting up ourselves with a more positive and action-orientated mindset. What should I do next time I find myself in the situation X? What do I reply to the next time they say Y?

Alongside growing horizontally, it is upon all good leader from the middle to deliver effective communication, and to be transparent, authentic, and vulnerable - telling.

It seems easy, but it requires courage, maturity, and cultural awareness to do that effectively. When someone overplays the authenticity and vulnerability card, it can have the opposite effect.

Self-awareness is a complex skill.

Being “aware” provides us with the best odds for success in the corporate life.

But it is ok to be a seeker, an introspector, or a pleaser. Everyone can become aware by creating healthy habits of feedback and transparent communication.

When leading from the middle, a feedback culture, openness, and transparency will contribute to creating high performing teams. 

What about you? Are you a seeker, an introspector, a pleaser, or are you aware? Do you believe in feedback to improve your team performance?

Contact me directly and engage with The Middle Management Anonymous community!

As always, I will be happy to get your comments and feedback.

Source: T. Eurich, 2018 – What Self-Awareness Really Is (and How to Cultivate It) for the Harvard Business Review